There's beauty in the breakdown... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Insanity Have you ever been really let down by something, and you just felt icky afterward? Well, that just happened to me. I was looking forward to hanging out with just A-Rae on Friday night, but it looks like that isn't about to happen. She has family coming in from Wisconsin. Her mom won't let her go out. A 19 year old girl whose mom won't let her go out. That's just sad to me. I spent a record three hours on the Internet last night. I felt so lazy afterward. Although, the time really didn't seem quite as long. So, I got up extra early this morning to go for a run. Ben went with me, but he likes to run a lot further than I do. I ended up ditching him and coming home early. I went back to bed when I got home. This whole not having class on Tuesday/Thursday really works for me. It's nice to have extra sleep time. That is always a good thing. I feel quite guilty about some thoughts I was having this morning. Have you ever wished that something not so great would happen to someone else so that something really great would happen to you? For instance, someone (who doesn't work in the first place) should lose their job so you can have their hours. Or a guy/girl you like should breakup with their significant other so you can hook up with them. Well, I had a similar thought this morning in the shower. I feel bad for being like that. Still, the want is there. Am I a bad person? I had a revelation last night while talking to the nerd. Why is that we can just talk to some people sometimes? I mean I talk to him for somewhat extended periods in which I say nothing. And it doesn't much bother me. I feel okay with just letting things go on as they are without any tension. Why is this? Does it mean that maybe, somehow, we are going to keep talking. That's always a good thing. Talking to people. I know this sounds chaotic, but I am having difficulty writing out everything so I can explain it to myself. Believe me, you are not missing anything life-altering or deep. It's just pure unknowingness. Why am I even thinking about this? He is going to read this and think, "Oh, my God. Why didn't I just ignore her?" Eek. Oh, well. I still kickass. And I am laughing at myself, out loud, right now. And I know, I know, you like the way you feel when I play. I know, I know, you don't really hear what I say. And I know, I know, you are waiting for something to rain. I know, I know, you wish you could be more than you say. ("More Than Wanted" - Vanessa Carlton) 11:20 AM - 08.22.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||