There's beauty in the breakdown... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bring Me Down Since she lost him, she has lost her inspiration for writing. She still thinks about him constantly, she almost regrets any thought that crosses her mind because they remind her of him. She doesn’t know why her heart doesn’t do what she tells it to. She struggles every day with the fact that she has lost something that undeniably means so much to her. She knows that she is too good for this. She knows that she has become borderline desperate in all the process of losing him. She has to regain the confidence that she always gets what she wants. She has to find a way for her to once again to win the world over. She has to not want it quite so much because it consumes her. She has to leave him alone because he is no longer good for her. She knows that he cares about her, and she knows that he will always be there if she needs him. She just needs to figure out now how much she needs him. He once told her that she had two very different sides. There is the part of her that the world gets to see. That is the badass side of her that pretends to be all strong. That part of her is the aura of happiness she portrays no matter what is going on in her life. It is unacceptable to be seen as weak. Everyone thinks they have the perfect life, and it is up to her to feed into that misconception. And then there is the side of her that he broke down. He saw the scared little girl who just wants someone to essentially love her without any strings attached. He saw the girl who can open her heart up when someone breaks through to the other side. Thinking back, she realizes maybe that’s why he was in her life. Maybe he was there to break her down, only to leave her completely broken. Then, and only then, was she able to realize that she needs to build herself back up to be a hybrid of the two sides. She needs to be the strong, happy person who she portrays but still be able to let others in to the more vulnerable side. She still misses him, but now she sees why she had to lose him in the first place. A false passion, a false cause. Does it really hurt to be ignored? Hey, I never knew. You build me up to bring me down. (“You Build Me Up” – The Datsuns) 11:10 PM - 10.01.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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