There's beauty in the breakdown... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Giving It Away So, he took a turn for the worst. They predict that this is the onset of a coma. I know that the end is near. I can only hope with the coma comes a release from the pain. I am hoping that my grandmother is able to get there before he slips away from us. I wish that I could be there with them all, but my place is here. I did what I could do, and now, I am only left here to pray. This week has been so hard. I have had to let go of the person that has been my lifeline for the past year because we have gotten to this place where it's just not healthy for us to stay the same anymore. And I was doing good on my promise to end all contact until tonight. I went to have Mexican with my mom at El's when I got the call. I ran to where he works (not looking for him but to actually do some shopping) to get some cat food, and I guess he must have seen me. He sent a comment about my blue shirt. It was the only smile I had all day. And then I sent him a message back about what has happened. I want to go to him so badly to have him take care of me. I know that I can't. It only makes the pain even greater. The only bright spot in my day is the beauty that is my relationship with Chadwick. That boy is a very special, special guy, and the girl that snags him is going to be so damn lucky. He has been a very good friend to me and has been an uncomplicated area of my life for the most part since my first year of college. I can always go to him when I just need to hash it all out. And his thoughtfulness has brightened my day. I love him very much so. Slow down, just look a little closer . You might find thats its not the end . You wonder how your life can get better. When you're alone, you just set yourself down. You're just givin' it all, givin' it all away. ("Giving It all Away" - Ashlee Simspon) 10:44 PM - 07.22.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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