There's beauty in the breakdown...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meet Me In Heaven

Every day I worry that this one is your last. I know that that day is getting nearer, I feel it in my heart, and I know that you feel it as well. I wish I was there with you as you go through this, but thousands of miles seperate us. I want to brush the hair from your eyes as you sleep. I want to trace the lines that time has created across your wrinkled skin. I want to hold your hand as you tell me about your younger days and about my own. But, in every way that can be, I am with you. You are a part of me that I will never lose.

When I was five years old, I wanted a doll house more than anything in the house. Only I had very detailed specifications for what I wanted in my dream house. I wanted it to be white with real carpet and wallpaper. It had to have pink wall paper. And I wanted an attic in the roof that would open up. I wanted windows in each room and a welcome sign above the door. When I woke up on Christmas morning, there was my dream house waiting in the living room. It was exactly what I wanted. It was pained white with a room that opened into an attic. It had real furniture and pink flowered wallpaper. There was real carpet in each room. And to top it all off, there was a pink welcome sign above the door. I still have that doll house at my dad's. It is one of the things that I cherish most in the entire world.

When my parents got divorced, we couldn't afford much. So, you helped my dad to build my brother and I each a new bed for a gift. And without telling him, you built us each a toy chest as well. Ryan's was dark blue, and mine was white. It matched my doll house. You and Els made my bedroom into a princess's fortress because you always said, more than anyone you ever knew, I was a princess. To this day, I am still the princess of this family. And you are th patriarch, the king of this amazing group of people that I love more than anything in the world.

I am trying to find a way to make this okay in my heart. I know that I have to find a way to say goodbye to you, at least in this life time. I can't promise you many things, but I can promise you this. I will always fight like hell to protect the people that we love. I promise that we will take care of the girls and of Els in every single way that we can. I can promise that I will uphold the baseball tradition for you on the hottest summer days. And I can promise you that I will love you for the rest of my life and even longer. Do me a favor, will you? Watch over us from up there. You are going to have Meg and Ev and our cherished guardian angel. We will all play a long game of cards and play baseball all day long. The tumors that inhibit your legs now won't be a thing when we play again. When you decide to leave us, please know we will see you in Heaven.

I love you now and always.

We've seen the secret things revealed by God, and we heard what the angels had to say. Should you go first, or if you follow me, will you meet me in Heaven someday? ("Meet Me In Heaven" - Johnny Cash)